Supporting Puberty-Age Girls Through Mom Groups

When Sonya had her first baby, she was overwhelmed by unknowns that resulted in extreme anxiety and low-level depression. For months she struggled on her own until she discovered a Mommy’s Group, where Sonya received support and reassurance from a community of women like her. Soon Sonya felt calmer, more confident, less isolated and greatly uplifted.  

Fast forward to today; Sonya’s first baby is now a college freshman; her second daughter is an active teen. Through the years, Sonya’s mom’s group gave her the support she needed, especially during puberty.

"My moms group was a place to ask questions and get reassurance, especially during their puberty years. They helped me to better support my daughters and normalize what my daughters and I were experiencing. It strengthened my relationship with my girls."  

Puberty is new territory. Children begin to strive for independence and often withdraw from parents. They withhold their feelings, even as they struggle with hormonal changes, insecurity and social awkwardness. Mothers suffer, too, from their daughter’s separation, sudden outbursts, and changes into womanhood. Moms wonder, what is the best way to relate with my daughter? How can I tell her about menstruation? How can I get through her moodiness?     

As a mother of a daughter going through puberty, joining a moms group can offer you the support and information necessary to guide your child through this developmental stage and provide her with the support she requires.

The Benefits of Mom’s Groups

Supporting puberty-age girls through moms groups benefits both the moms and the daughters.

Mothers experience enhanced social support and increased mental well-being, reduced depression, post traumatic stress disorder and caregiving helplessness. It improves parenting and mental health outcomes. And it's a place where lifelong friendships can develop.

And let’s not overlook the basics: groups with other moms invite shared wisdom, laughter, shoulders to cry on, and a general uplifting of spirit. Together you celebrate each other’s wins and soothe the not-so-victorious moments. And when it comes to handling the menstruation talk, moms can exchange tips and information, share resources and coach each other toward confidence.

Children receive parenting that is based on the experiences and wisdom of others, potentially making it more effective. Children also experience greater happiness and well-being.

Studies show that when moms have friends or comrades, their relationships with their children also improve, and teens are more likely to ask them for advice and seek comfort from them when they're in stressful situations.

Moms groups can help you guide your daughter through puberty and into becoming a confident, body-loving, period-appreciating woman.

How to form a Moms Group

Support groups for moms of pubescent daughters are not common, so you may take the lead and form one on your own. It's not that difficult, but there are a few things to consider:

1. In person or virtual? 

Both Zoom calls and in-person meetings have value. Zoom calls are convenient for our busy lives and are lifesavers for those living in rural or distant areas. No travel is needed.

In-person meetings are more conducive to human touch and enable participants to fully experience each other’s energy and sense each other’s love, care, and support.

Decide what is best for you and your the women in your community.

2. Invite moms

If you were part of a moms group long ago, consider reuniting. Those women may be as hungry for puberty support as you are.  Also, consider moms from your child’s class, women at your job, the organizations you belong to, or place of worship. Pitch your 'moms group' idea at the next PTA meeting. Hang a flyer at the local library or coffee shop. Prepare to respond to the calls or emails of interested parents.

3. Place, time, length and frequency

For in-person meetings, consider a coffee shop, public park, or even your living room. Perhaps the public library offers a private room for such groups.    

Set a meeting time and length. Moms are busy, and it may be challenging to find a time that works for everyone. Look at after-school hours, like 3:30 to 4:30pm, or weekend mornings. One to two hours is ample time to connect, share and support

.  

Gather once a week, once a month, or informally on an as-needed basis (i.e. when a mom is in crisis.)

Perhaps offer a limited series of meetings, such as 4 weeks or 8 weeks. You can always extend, or just continue indefinitely.

Conducting a group

1)     Who leads?  Hosting or leading a group is as easy as getting the conversation started, and anyone can handle this. Perhaps you and your participants take turns.   

2)     Offer a topic of discussion to inspire conversation. Such as:

·        How to cope with a moody child

·        Healthy foods to ease menstrual discomfort and PMS

·        How to celebrate our daughters’ periods

·        How to talk with our daughters

·        How to explain the female anatomy

·        Stories of “how to” and “how not to” explain menstruation

3)     Share books, articles and other resources. Discuss new discoveries and expert insights. Relay information you learned from doctors, teachers and other experts.

Watch educational and YouTube videos presented by experts.

Red Diamond Sisters Club book and Red Diamond Sisters' EmpowerHER Toolkit are excellent materials for moms groups. Red Diamond Sisters “Experts interviews” are also informational and spark conversation.  

4)     During your groups, enjoy the brainstorming, problem-solving, support, love, care and insights that are shared. Laugh, cry and walk through motherhood together.

CONCLUSION

Reflecting on her mom’s group experiences, Sonya shared, “It was loving environment for me that gave me connection I didn’t have otherwise. In my groups, I got a reprieve and a built-in community. There’s a build-in camaraderie that isn’t available any other way.”

Puberty is a challenging time for daughters, moms and the entire family and you don’t have to do it alone. The expression, “it takes a village,” applies to motherhood, and your village of other moms in the same position as you can make all the difference in your quality of life, happiness and success as a parent.