Raising Kind Girls: How Parents Can Prevent Mean Girl Behavior and Build Sisterhood

A smile. A helping hand. An “I love you” card for no reason. Simple acts of kindness lift the spirits of the recipient, the giver, and the world!

But in today’s world, random acts of kindness are overshadowed by the meanness that runs rampant on social media, in entertainment, and even on the playground. Meanness hurts not only our girls; it also perpetuates a cycle of hostility in our world.

At Red Diamond Sisters, we believe it’s vitally important to turn the tide by helping our girls cultivate kindness, compassion, and mutual respect. When girls learn to treat one another with care and understanding, they strengthen the bonds of sisterhood, create healthier friendships, and help make the world a more compassionate place.

Parents hold the key. Through a few intentional actions, parents can strengthen their girls’ Kindness Muscle, encouraging them to include rather than exclude, encourage rather than criticize, and support rather than tear one another down. Together, we can nurture a generation of girls who lift one another up and carry that spirit of kindness into the world.

In this article, we offer ways to prevent mean girl behavior and build sisterhood.

Mean Girl Social Aggression

Surprisingly, girls rank high on the meanness scale, and their targets are most often other girls. Whereas boys tend to show hostility outwardly through physical aggression, girls use subtle, manipulative tactics such as gossip, rumors, and exclusion. These behaviors can cause psychological harm to their victims, including reduced self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and chronic stress.

“Mean girl” behavior, also known as relational aggression, typically arises in girls around puberty. Before the early 2000s, girls ages 15 to 18 exhibited these behaviors, but now girls as young as 7 or 8 do. Two contributing factors to this trend are early exposure to social media and an an overall decline in our girls’ self-esteem, especially among girls in fifth and sixth grades.

In social media, bullying and meanness run rampant, and girls are susceptible to gossip, criticism, and exclusion. It's easy for bullies to hide behind a social media page and target their victims.

Girls with low self-esteem may bully others to feel better about themselves or to maintain their status within a group. Girls who struggle with insecurity and jealousy may target those who seem to have more or better things than they do. Some girls are simply immature and have no idea how much harm they cause.

By helping our girls to become stronger, more self-loving, and more respectful of others, there's a chance that Mean Girl aggression will become a thing of the past and kindness will prevail.

What Is Kindness?

Kindness lives within us and is demonstrated outwardly toward others through thoughtfulness, compassion, love, generosity, respect, and care. These actions are born in the heart and given with joy, without any expectation of something in return.

Social scientists theorize that kindness is a survival instinct ingrained in us on a cellular level. Early humans depended on one another to survive illnesses, childbirth, food shortages, and other hardships. From the moment we are born, we thrive on the love and care of our mothers and those around us. Without the compassion and support of others, humanity would not continue—and deep inside, we know it.

And yet, kindness is a skill that is developed and learned from our families, schools and community groups. A child’s level of kindness is influenced by her surroundings; those who live in a loving and generous environment are likely to be loving and generous. Likewise, a child who is raised in an unloving or hostile environment will often develop less gracious traits.

Brain research shows that random acts of kindness can positively change the brain. Children and adolescents who practice benevolent acts—not just talk about them—strengthen their Kindness Muscles and develop amiable natures. When children embody the qualities of kindness, they are more likely to carry them throughout their lives.

The Benefits of Kindness

Altruistic acts inspire good feelings in both the giver and the receiver. In the giver, endorphins are released in the brain, producing the positive feeling known as the “helper’s high.” Children who associate kindness with feeling good are more likely to share and lend a helping hand. For the receiver, kindness can boost mood, decrease feelings of isolation and loneliness, and reduce stress.

Kindness is contagious. A small charitable gesture can ripple outward from one person to others. One study shows that an altruistic act by one person can inspire kindness in a second person, who then passes it along to a third.

Kindness also helps form friendships. Kids tend to gravitate toward others with similar traits, so friendly and thoughtful kids often befriend others with those qualities. Imagine your daughter as part of a network of caring girls who support one another when needed. Their world would be filled with joy that could uplift their entire community!

5 Ways to Cultivate Kindness in Your Daughter

During puberty, girls become more aware of themselves, others, and their place in the world. It’s a prime time to plant the seeds that will help them become gracious, caring, and thoughtful people. As your daughter enters puberty, practice the following strategies to fortify her Kindness Muscle.

1. Help Build Her Self-Esteem

Girls who love and value themselves are often more outgoing and warm toward others. They recognize the good qualities in others, which can help them attract friendships. Because they feel secure in themselves, they don’t feel the need to put others down or fight to be on top. Not only that, but girls with high self-esteem are less likely to be bothered by bullying.

No doubt, as a parent, you do your best to cultivate your daughter’s confidence and self-love. As she moves into adolescence, lean in just a little more. Increase your mother-daughter time and engage in conversations that involve focused listening and thoughtful questions about her thoughts, dreams, and concerns. Celebrate her accomplishments. Point out and compliment her strengths. Help her recognize her own gifts, which can spark new dreams and goals. Give her progressively more responsibilities around the house to demonstrate your trust in her capabilities.

Let’s not confuse kindness with being a pushover. Girls with high self-esteem set strong boundaries and don’t tolerate mistreatment. They feel empowered to stand up for themselves, and in sisterhood, they stand up for one another.

We can raise kind girls by helping them recognize their own magnificence and power with plenty to share with others.

2. Help Her Realize She Has “Enough”

Kindness is easier to give when we feel an overflow of goodness. Helping your daughter recognize that she has “enough” can help her develop a sense of security and generosity.

Point out the abundance of food in the refrigerator, clothing in her closet, books, toys, and other “things” in her world to reinforce her sense of having enough. Use positive statements that affirm prosperity, such as “There’s plenty to share” or “We are so blessed with abundance! Let’s share it!”

Though our consumer culture tries to lure us into buying more stuff, we can guide our children to appreciate more meaningful, nonmaterial things, such as nature, creative projects, socializing, reading, developing skills, and community events. Enriching life experiences are more fulfilling and longer-lasting than the fleeting excitement of a new lip balm. A feeling of abundance makes it easier for children to give and share.

A gratitude-journaling practice can help a child recognize the goodness in her life. She simply writes down three things for which she is grateful. Gratitude helps her recognize abundance, which may lead to the development of a generous spirit and a sense of plenty.

3. Send her outside to commune with Nature

Nature has an amazing way of healing us and helping us be nicer people. The natural world is a playground that stimulates the senses and puts life into perspective. Our Earth is an immense and beautiful place, and connecting with the grass, trees, and creatures uplifts our spirits, reduces our worries, and lessens our stress. Observing bugs and animals connects us with other living beings, contributing to the development of empathy and concern for others. Exploring the great outdoors with other children and adults helps to form friendships. Research shows that spending time in nature helps children nurture better relationships with their peers, parents and teachers.

Encourage your child to spend time in nature. Take walks and hikes together. Go on field trips and visit state parks. Stargaze. Bird-watch. Plant a garden. Connecting your child with Earth’s ecosystems and their amazing plants and animals will strengthen her Kindness Muscle.

4. Join Clubs and Community Groups

Consider enrolling your child in classes and clubs where cooperation and mutual support are encouraged. Organizations such as Girl Scouts and clubs such as book groups and crochet clubs provide opportunities for girls to learn and share with one another. In these community environments, friendships based on love and respect can form, and graciousness can be practiced together.

Community service events, such as food drives and park cleanups, help instill compassion and care for others. Working together toward a common cause fosters a sense of equality and reduces the need to compete. Collaboration builds appreciation for individuals and the community at large. Girls can become valuable, caring community members with a strong capacity for kindness.

5. Be a Role Model of Kindness

When someone holds the door open for you, do you say, “Thank you”? Do you donate to charities or volunteer with organizations? Do you compliment your friends and celebrate their wins?

Demonstrating kindness on a regular basis will teach your daughter how to be kind herself. As busy parents, we’re often unaware of how we behave. Now is a great time to become more mindful of our own Kindness Muscle.

Simple gestures, such as greeting the grocery clerk with a smile and a “Hello” or holding the door open for someone struggling with a full load, can make a lasting impression on both the recipient and your child. And remember, your kindness will ripple outward to others. That’s how kindness perpetuates itself.

Conclusion

Yes, the world needs more kindness, and we can begin by nurturing it in our daughters. By strengthening their Kindness Muscle, we help them grow into confident, compassionate girls who lift others up rather than tear them down. Their kind hearts can become a source of strength, helping them stand tall in the face of meanness while inspiring others to choose love over cruelty.

Imagine a generation of girls who celebrate one another’s gifts, stand up for one another, and live in harmony without the need to overpower. Together, they can create a ripple of kindness that travels from their friendships and communities into the world, and strengthen a global sisterhood built on compassion, mutual respect, and love.

By cultivating kindness in your daughter, we can strengthen a supportive global sisterhood and create a world that is healthier, safer, and, yes, kinder.

Ways Kids Can Demonstrate Kindness

Give a flower to a friend

Share a school lunch

Help a friend who fell down

Give a sad friend a hug

Give a friend a hug, just because

Give a compliment

Help a person in need

Pitch in, even when not asked

Leave a nice note or phone message

Smile   

Hold open a door

Help somebody with their groceries

Tell your family and friends, “I love you” on a regular basis

Don’t engage in unkind activities, like hurting or bullying others

Defend someone who’s being attacked